The “Suck for Luck” Race…

Welcome! Please just wipe your feet before kicking our ass, thanks.

Simply put, you won’t find a better scouting report. From top to bottom, every physical trait grades out like a perfect SAT score, every intangible, tougher to quantify, but praised nonetheless.

If your franchise is in need of a facelift, Andrew Luck is your man.

Quite frankly, he may be the best prospect in team sports, ever.

Here’s what he does well:

Arm Strength, Quick Release, Durability, Tough and Tenacious, Size, Learning Rate, Football IQ, Awareness, Intangibles, Pinpoint Accuracy, Pocket Passer, Play Action Passer, Scrambler, Throws on the Run Well, Field General, 1 Step Drop, Makes Proper Progression Reads with the 1 Step Drop, 3 Step Drop, Makes Proper Progression Reads with the 3 Step Drop, 5 Step Drop, Makes Proper Progression Reads with the 5 Step Drop, 7 Step Drop, Short Passing Game Mechanics, Medium Passing Game Mechanics, High Character, Tireless Work Ethic, Fiery Motivator, Composure, Clutch Factor, Production, Potential.

Here’s what he needs to work on: NOTHING.

Losers, start your engines!

Ready, set…go!

28. Miami Dolphins- Good news for Tony Sparano: when this season mercifully comes to an end, he’ll be in prime position to serve as a mafia lackey in some two-bit movie, or he’ll ease right into the world of infomercials peddling BluBlockers at 3:17 in the morning. One thing he won’t be doing is coaching this team next season. They’re not terrible, but they’re already 0-2 and with the Bills much improved, this season has 5 wins stamped all over it. No way he survives that.

No kidding.

29. Minnesota Vikings- Sadly for the Vikes, this is one race they want to win, but won’t. Not with Adrian Peterson in his prime, abusing LB’ers in the open field. They’ll squeeze out just enough highlights to keep things somewhat respectable, even pull off an upset or two–keeping them on the outside looking in for # 12.

30. Indianapolis Colts- To say the offense has sputtered minus Peyton Manning is being kind. They simply suck. Even worse, the defense has decayed to the point where it’s an obvious weakness. This unit is accustomed to playing with the lead, pinning it’s ears back, and attacking QB’s. This year, they’re being lulled into trench battles, and getting pushed around every snap. Peyton Manning hid so many deficiencies, it’s scary.

31. Seattle Seahawks- Not only are they wretched, but they’re faceless, too. Besides Tarvaris Jackson, can you name a single starter? OK, maybe you vaguely remember Mike Williams’s renaissance season of ’10, but here’s the ultimate indictment for any NFL team: not a single player was drafted from their roster for my fantasy league. And there’s 12 teams. Unwatchable. Great stadium, brutal tenants.

32. Kansas City Chiefs-  How in the world did these jokers win the AFC West last season? It started poorly, and it’s getting worse. KC has been outscored 89-10 thus far, and Jamaal Charles and safety Eric Berry are lost for the season. Did they sit around and do keg stands and bong hits in training camp? Because it sure doesn’t look as if they touched a field at any point. Embarrassing.

Honorable mention, San Francisco 49’ers- If not for a gift from the schedule-makers in Week 1 (Seattle), Jim Harbaugh’s crew might very well be on this list. Yes, they were very competitive against Dallas, but in a passing league, they lack two key ingredients: a passer and receivers. I’ve already sounded the “Frank Gore” alarm in the Bay Area. 42 carries, 2.5 YPC. Not good.

STUD.

Week 1: 4-2 ATS

Week 2: 4-1-1 ATS

Year to date: 8-3-1

Week 3 picks: Friday morning

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1 Comment

  1. Andrew Luck is a hot commodity, but I’m not so sure to agree with “best prospect in team sports, ever,” BT. I would argue Ewing and Strasburg were more desired prospects than Luck.

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